Konoha Paranormal Investigators & Exorcists
by ILoveMaids
Summary: "If there's something strange, who ya gonna call?" "Kono-" "Wait, that's a really long name, dude. Shouldn't we shorten it?" "No. We already labeled the vacuum." WHOOP! A new thrilling supernatural story! Will include real paranomral experiences! AU. OOC. Rated M for later chapters. Eventual yaoi. BoyxBoy. Crappy summary, read. Or I'll sick Lord Jashin on your lazy butt. SasuxNaru
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! :D **

**Time for a new story! WHOOP!**

**I know I should be working on my other story, but...OHMYGOODNESS.**

**The idea for this story has been bugging me, for like ever. I seriously had to get this down. I couldn't concentrate on updating my other story when I was tormented with thoughts for this one!**

**Rating: M, for later chapters.**

**Warnings: Supernatural, eventual lemons, yaoi, boyxboy, etc.**

**Settings: AU. For those of you have who have read the Ouran HHC manga, you'd be aware of how the mangaka kept Honey- Senpai and Mori from graduating so that she wouldn't break up the group. I'm kinda going to do the same. They're all going to be around 19-21 years old, but in my story, college and such does not exist. This is for my convenience, and if you do not like it, sorry.**

**Another thing, even though I'm making some things unrealistic in order to work for my story, the only things that will be true, are the supernatural occurrences. I'm not going to do anything like the "Omen." All of the occurences will be based on personal accounts. So, ironically enough, the only real things will be the supernatural ones. :D**

**Also, I'm putting a lot of my personal "ghost" experiences in here. If you want, I'd be willing to incorporate some of ya'lls experiences as well! Just leave them in a review, or send me a pm, and I'll try my best to work those into the story!**

**This chapter will be boring...most probably since I have to get a lot of the basics down for it. But future chapters will be the exciting, scary, and thrilling ones!:D 3**

**Anyhow, READ AND REVIEW! Please ;-; 3**

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"Do It."

"No."

"Aw, come one! I'll take you to an onsen, if you agree!"

"Um...isn't that more for your benefit than mine?" A blond eyebrow lifted effortlessly, expressing its owner's doubt.

"Heheheh. You caught me! But seriously, Naruto, you should do this." Jiraiya's tone was firm, and any remnants of playfulness were immediately removed.

"But why?! You, you of all people know what kind of bullshit I've dealt with because of my," The blond's lips morphed into a sneer. "_ability."_ His voice was full of disgust and laced with sadness.

A deep sigh left Jiraiya's lips and he slightly frowned. "Naruto. I know. I know that it seems like I'm asking you to go back to a Hell that you've already managed to escape once, but this time it's different. You won't be alone. And the people in this sort of community, they acknowledge, respect, hell they even admire your abilities!"

Naruto's nostrils were flaring by the end of Jiraiya's small speech, and his tan face had a slightly red hue. "And what good will that do me?! Those feelings won't change anything that has happened to me!"

"And neither will that damn attitude! Kami-Sama, you can make a difference Naruto! You can help people! Don't glare at me like!" Jiraiya warned, his eyes narrowing.

"Where were these people when I needed help?" Naruto huffily questioned as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Another sigh left Jiraiya's lips and he rubbed his forehead with one of his hands. "Just meet the group, okay? Get to know them, go with them on at least one of their outings, and then decide how you feel about it." Jiraiya fished into his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper. He extended his arm towards Naruto, the slip in between his index and middle finger.

Naruto, calmed himself down and couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows as he stared at the slip of paper Jiraiya was offering.

He really really did not want to do it. He'd much rather jump off a cliff and fall into a sea of crappy and worthless pop music. On the other hand though, he knew that Jiraiya would never ask him to do this, unless he had a pretty damn good reason. Mentally weighing the options, a grunt from Jiraiya snapped him out of his thoughts.

"I'm going to regret this. I just know it." The blond murmured as he took the paper from Jiraiya. On the front, an address, a telephone number, and the name of the organization were inscribed.

A cheesy smile appeared on Jiraiya's face and he clasped Naruto's shoulder. "You'll be thanking me in no time." Naruto simply tsked in response. "Well! Now that that's done with! I have an onsen that's sweetly calling my name!" Jiraiya blushed as he undoubtedly thought perverted things.

"PERVERT!" The blond yelled as he watched his godfather oddly walk down the street. Sighing, Naruto stuffed the paper in his pocket and began to walk home.

The sun was setting and since the blond had nothing else to do, he may as well go home.

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"_Bum. Bum. Ba-dum. BUMMMM." _Bewildered, a haggard blond jumped out of bed, his shirt hanging off on one shoulder and his pants low on his hips. Stumbling, he walked over to his dresser and unlocked his phone, which immediately shut off his alarm.

Sighing, the blond stretched, enjoying the small pops that could be heard from his muscles.

"I really should put my phone in a closer spot." The blond mumbled as he sleepily walked to his bathroom. Yawning, he grabbed his koala bear toothbrush and rinsed it before squeezing some of his mint toothpaste onto it. He lazily brushed his teeth, and then rinsed his mouth. Another yawn escaping his lips, Naruto stared at his reflection. His hair was in its usual state of disarray and he had dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Yolo." He whispered and he continued about getting ready. He quickly washed his face and then went back to his room in order to get dressed. He put on a skin tight black t shirt, and a pair of faded denim pants. It was when he was lacing his converse that he realized what he had said only minutes before.

"Oh. my. goodness. I said yolo. I'M TURNING INTO AN IGNORANT TWEEN WHO MAKES DUCK FACES AND SLEEPS WITH GUYS BECAUSE THEY OWN LAWNMOWERS AND SWAG." Horrified, Naruto slapped himself, hoping that the expression "slapping some sense into someone" would work on him. A bit stunned from the slap he gave himself, Naruto blinked slowly as he finished lacing his shoes. "That should do it." He quietly assured himself.

"What should I do today?" Naruto wondered aloud to himself. He had recently moved to Konoha, so he didn't know that many people or his way around the city. The city was really big and the only person he knew was Jiraiya, and Kami knows where that pervert was. "Oh! Thinking of the pervert, perhaps I should go to that place he mentioned? I don't have anything else to do, after all."

Nodding his head in agreement, Naruto's eyes scanned his room for the pants he had worn yesterday, and spotting them, he quickly fished out the paper. He typed in the adress into his phone's navigation system as he left his apartment and locked the door behind him.

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-40 Exhausting Minutes Later-

A medium sized building stood before the blond, who was panting and wiping away sweat from his brow.

"I finally found you! You hidden little piece of shit"! He exclaimed as bent over and grabbed onto his knees. He had spent most of his time searching within the city, only to realize that he had been reading his GPS incorrectly. The damn place was on the outskirts of town!

"Um, excuse me, while we are paranormal investigators, customers may be frightened away by the presence of one on our front steps."

Naruto looked up, his cobalt blue eyes meeting those of a tall guy. He had a expressionless face and his brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail.

"Ah, sorry about that. I'm Naruto." The blond gave a cheesy smile and stood, and extended a hand towards the guy.

"Shikamaru." The other said as he shook the blond's hand. Shikamaru invited Naruto into the building, and the two made their way in. On the way in, Naruto noticed a sign that said the place's name.

_Konoha Paranormal Investigators & Exorcists_

Naruto couldn't help but smile as they entered the lobby. It was incredibly comfy. With tan walls, plush white carpet, and dark green furniture, the place didn't look like a ghost hunting organization.

"So what are you here for?" Shikamaru asked the blond, and as he spoke, a woman with long blond hair tied in two low ponytails walked in.

"Ah, Jiraiya-"

"JIRAIYA?" The blond woman yelled, looking at the blond as if he were a pervert. Shikamaru looked taken aback at his boss's outburst.

"Um, yes?" Naruto uneasily answered as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Are you the brat he mentioned with ESP?" She questioned, doubt in her features.

"Eh?! Who are you calling a brat, Granny?" Naruto retorted.

"GRANNY! WHY YOU LI-" The blond woman yelled and raised a fist.

"Tsunade-Sama!" A woman with short black hair ran into the room, looking frazzled, and grabbed her boss's fist. "Calm down!" She squeaked, slightly trembling.

The woman, Tsunade, sighed but lowered her fist. Her honey eyes glared at Naruto. "So are you?" She questioned.

Slightly confused, Naruto didn't know what she was talking about but then he remembered. "Oh, yeah. That's me."

"Well then, are you taking the job?"

"I'm not sure yet. I figured I'd take a look around before I decided."

Tsunade nodded. "Firstly, you should meet the others. Shizune?"

"Yes?"

"Call everyone into the meeting room."

"Yes ma'am!" Shizune slightly saluted and scampered off. Watching her assistant walk off for a second, Tsunade looked back at Naruto and Shikamaru. She gestured for them to follow as she began to walk down a dimly lit hallway.

Shikamaru, who at this point was beyond confused, simply muttered a 'troublesome' and followed his boss. Naruto also followed.

They continued walking, until they came to the end of the hallway. There were two doors on either side. On was labeled 'Meeting Room' and was also the one Tsunade walked into.

The room was somewhat big, and had grey walls. There was the same plush white carpet. In the center of the room, there was a fairly large circular table. A bunch of people were gathered aorund, and were animatedly chatting amongst quickly joined the standing group.

Shizune stood by at the head of the table, and Tsunade made her way next to her. She grabbed the blond's arm and pulled him next to her. "These will be the people working with you if you decide to take the job." Tsunade told Naruto before focusing her attention onto the group.

"Oi." Tsunade stated, and immediately everyone stopped talking. They all obediently stared at her.

"Everyone, this is-" Tsunade looked at the blond.

"Naruto." The blond piqued.

"And he may or may not be working with us. The decision isn't clear yet. But, since there is a possibilty of him working with us, it's essential for him to know his coworkers. So, we'll go around the table. Introduce yourself and state what department you're part of."

Everyone nodded in understanding. "Let's start with you, Hinata."

A woman with long, dark blue hair blushed and nodded her head. "H-hai. I'm Hinata and I-I am with th-the tech department."

A guy with tanned skin, messy brown hair, two red fangs tattooed onto his cheeks, and fang like teeth spoke next. "I'm Kiba! And I'm with the investigation dept." He smiled at the blond, and Naruto knew that they would get along fairly well.

A guy with pale skin, black goggles, and a coat that covered his mouth, spoke net. "I am Shino. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. Why? Because you're a fresh face. I am with the tech department. Why? I am very good with technology.

"We already met, but I'm Shikamaru. Even though it's troublesome, I'm with the tech department as well."

A chubby guy who was snacking on some delicious looking chips, wiped his mouth before speaking. "Chouji! Also in tech." And then he continued eating.

A girl with long blond hair pulled into a ponytail, and bangs, spoke next. "Hey there! I'm Ino and I'm the best in the exorcist department! I look forward to working with you!" She winked and Naruto blushed a bit.

"Oi! Ino pig! Stop lying! I'm the best!" A pink haired girl looked at Naruto and smiled sweetly. "I'm Sakura." Ino scowled. "Shut up forehead girl! Your skills can't even compare to mine!"

"These bitches have nothing on me! Lord Jashin only supports me! And that's why I, Hidan, am the best!" A tall, tanned guy, with silver hair spoke. "And this guy here, Kakuzu," He pointed at a smaller guy who wore a ski mask looking thing. Naruto was slightly afraid of him. "He's my bitch." Kakuzu glared at Hidan. "If only I could kill you." He grumbled. Hidan chuckled. "We're both in the motherfucking exorcist department!

Another tall guy, who had a blueish tint to his skin, and pointy teeth, smiled at the blond. 'Shark man' Naruto couldn't help but think. "I'm Kisame, eh. And this guy " He pointed to a guy with black hair pulled into a low ponytail and deep lines on either side of his face. "is Itachi. We're in the investigation department."

Next to Itachi, stood a miniature version of himself. Except that unlike Itachi, the minature had a duck butt hair style. Despite that, Naruto felt himself blush. The guy was really handsome. With pale skin, a toned body, piercing eyes, and an aura that jsut screamed 'mystery', Naruto couldn't help but want to get close to the guy. "Hn. Sasuke. Investigation department." Or maybe not, the blond thought. Guy seemed like an ass. But,_Sasuke,_ 'I'll remember that.' Naruto thought.

A guy with an orange mask began bouncing on his heels and clasped his hands together. "HEY! I'm Tobi! I hope we get along because Tobi likes friends! I'm in the tech department as well! Hehe!"

A man with shoulder length red hair spoke next. "I am Nagato. But you can call me God. I'm unfortunately in the tech department as well."

A pretty girl with light blue hair that was in a high bun, quietly spoke. "Konan. Also with the tech department."

A guy who had a similar hairstyle as Ino, spoke next. "Un. I'm Deidara, yeah! I could blow you away with my art, yeah! I'm with the investigation department, un!"

A quiet boy with short red hair and mesmerizing eyes spoke next. "I'm Sasori. Also with the investigation department."

Another guy with short red hair spoke, but this guy had the kanji 'ai' tattooed on the left side of his forehead. "Gaara. Investigation department."

A blond with her hair in four separate buns smirked at Naruto. "I'm Temari! And I'm with the exorcist department!"

A guy with purple markings on his face and black cat eared hood smirked. "I'm Kankuro and I'm with the investigation department."

A kind looking woman with long black hair and red eyes smiled at Naruto. "Hello. I'm Kurenai and I'm with the exorcist department. My husband," she gestured towards the man next to her. He had short black hair, with a trimmed beard, and tanned skin. "Asuma, is with the tech department."

Next, was a woman who had oddly cut pink hair. Half of it was straight, and the other half unkempt. She fixed her glasses. "Hmph. You don't deserve to know anything about me, but I'm Karin. And I'm unfortunately with the tech department." She glanced over in Sasuke's direction, hoping for a reaction, but was disappointed. She sighed.

'So that's how that is' Naruto thought.

A boy with blue tipped silver hair chuckled. "Ignore this dumbass. I'm Suigetsu and I am with the investigation department. Right, Sasuke?" He innocently asked, but Karin saw through it. She punched him in the shoulder and Suigetsu glared. "Stupid bitch." Sasuke watched this display puzzled.

"Calm down guys." A tanned guy with orange hair stared at them. "We shouldn't cause trouble here." He looked at Naruto. "I'm sorry for their rudeness. I'm Juugo and I'm also with the tech department."

A guy who had half his face painted black, and the other white spoke next. "I'm Zetsu. It's nice meeting you. No it's not. Eh, but why? He seems nice enough. Just shut up, you idiot." The guy continued arguing with himself and Naruto couldn't help but be confused. "Just ignore him." Kisame said. "The guy's bipolar. He's with the tech department."

Naruto nodded in understanding.

"I'm tired already!" Tsunade grumbled as she yawned. "Shizune!"

"Yes ma'am?"!

"Get me some sake!" Tsunade ordered.

"But you're wor-" Shizune countered, but her boss simply glared at her.

"Did I ask you if I was working?"

"No ma'am." Shizune sighed in defeat and left to get the sake.

"Hurry!" Tsunade ordered, not speaking to anyone in general.

An incredibly pale boy with short black hair spoke next. "I'm Sai and I am with the investigation department."

Naruto's eyes widened when he saw the next member. He was a short guy, but oh my goodness. He was wearing tight green spandex, had a bowl shaped haircut, and really bushy eyebrows. "Yosh! It's finally my turn! I will express my youthfulness by telling this young and lively fellow of my wonderous position in this organization! I am the one and only Rock Lee! Please do no be overwhelmed by my youthfulness! I am with the incredibly spirited investigation department! YOSH!" He yelled and began to do aerobics.

A cute girl with her black hair in buns smiled at Naruto. "Hello! I'm Tenten! And this" She gestured towards the handsome man next to her. He was tall, had a lean yet muscular body, and silky chocolate-brown hair. "Is Neji. We're both in the exorcist department!" She playfully stuck out her tongue. Neji looked at Naruto and simply nodded in acknowledgment.

A creepy looking guy with brown hair stared at Naruto. "I guess that just leaves me." Tsunade quietly thanked Kami. "I'm Yamato and I am also with the exorcist department." At seeing Naruto's slightly creeped out look, his face darkened and his eyes widened. "Does that bother you."

Slightly squeaking, Naruto shook his head in denial. Immediately, the guy's face returned to normal. "That's good."

"Okay!" Tsunade clapped her hands. "Now that everyone's been introduced, I'll tell you how grouping works. Obviously, everyone does not go together on the investigations. Depending on the size of the location, and certain circumstances, only a set number of members will go. The groups will consist of a mixture of people from each of the departments."

A quiet opening of the door, and everyone's head turned to see the intruder. A tall man, with silver hair that defied gravity, walked in with a sheepish smile. But Naruto wasn't to sure of that since the guy was wearing a scarf that covered his mouth and nose.

"Um, sorry I'm late. But you see, I saw a burglary attempt and I-" He rambled but was interrupted by Tsunade.

"I don't believe you anymore. Anyway, Naruto, that is Kakashi. He tends to be late and is in the investigation department." Naruto nodded in greeting, and Kakashi returned the gesture.

"Anyhow, everyone's dismissed!" Tsunade said, and everyone began to slowly file out. When the room was empty, Tsunade turned towards Naruto and smiled.

"You're lucky everyone was here today. These days are really rare. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure your brain is fried with all of these introductions. Come by tomorrow, and I'll assign you to a case. I'll decide the other members by tomorrow as well. Jiraiya has spoken highly of you, and he's told me a bit about what happened, but I can assure you, that you will not experience anything of the sort again. At least not under my watch. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow!" With a wave of her hand, Naruto was dismissed and he was a bit glad, to be honest.

Who knew introductions could be so draining? Despite his initial feelings, perhaps entering this world wouldn't be a bad idea, the blond mused as he walked home. The people seem to be pretty awesome. Needless to say, Naruto was excited for tomorrow.

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**So, what'd you think? *wink* *wink***

**Before anyone complains about it, I know that paranormal organizations aren't this large. I know that, but I simply think it'd be more entertaining this way. **

**For any who want a clear list of who's in what department, here it is!**

**Exorcist Department: Sakura,Temari, Ino, Tenten, Hidan ,Kakuzu, Neji, Yamato, Kurenai**

**Investigation Department: Sai,Sasuke, Lee, Kiba, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Kakashi, Suigestu, Gaara, Kankuro**

**Tech Department: Shikamaru, Shino, Hinata, Konan, Tobi, Choji, Zetsu,Nagato, Karin, Juugo, Asuma**


	2. Author's Note

**Hey you guys! ^.^**

**I know you probably hate me since you thought that this was an update, but please spare me! DX**

**I have no other excuse than the fact that I haven't had much motivation or time to update any of my ongoing stories.**

**BUT, there's been more time in my schedule, so I'll get back to writing soon.**

**Also, I really want to make my stories more interactive and talk with you guys some more, so if you have any ideas, suggestions, or just want to say hey, you can follow me at:**

**smilesatan. tumblr. com**

**Just remove all of the spaces and there ya go!**

**Seriously though, I constantly check my Tumblr, and if there's a particular story you want me to update first, let me know since atm I'll probably update which ever one I'm in the mood for.**

**I look forward to getting to know you guys better!:D**

**With Love,**

**This Terrible Author Who Feels** Guilty


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